Ever thought of how amusing your daily conversations could be? If not, then you should memorize your chats, and believe me you will roar with laughter. Laughter is the best medicine, and it is something which you can prescribe for yourself! I will cite some instances for you, and then probably, you shall also learn the art of laughter prescription.
Today in my office, our e-marketing executive was talking to one of the clients (who happened to be a lady), and he was supposed to inform her that their company products have been uploaded on our website. Of course, I could not hear the other side, and to me the tel-con sounded like this (and with this I am done with my laughter session for the day)…
Tel con: “Hello ma’am! How are you?…Oh Yes!…Yes, of course…Very well ma’am…And did you know your products got uploaded today?”
Now which products? “Her products” could damn well mean anything. 😉
Then sometime back, it was my dear HR manager speaking to our accountant (again a lady) on phone. It so happened that while he was talking with her on the landline, there was another urgent call on his mobile, which he had to take. He told her to hold on for a minute and he would get back. He hurriedly finished speaking to the person calling on his mobile and then got back to her on the landline. Till here it was alright, but the opening statement was hilarious…
“Hello again…sorry to hold you.” (When it was supposed to be ‘Sorry to keep you waiting/on hold’…“Hold you” was bad.) 🙂
Our HR manager is known for cracking such jokes. I will describe two more similar comic situations to you. Once he was to enquire about the cost of some catering services for our office employees. The caterer was a lady again. And the tel con that day was…
“Hello…Haan main woh hi hun jis ne kal phone kiya tha catering ke liye…Haan woh poochna tha ke madam aap ka rate kya hai?”
(“Hello…Yes, I am the same person who called yesterday regarding catering services…I wanted to ask…Madam what is your rate?”) (Gross statement) 😉
On another occasion, he was suppose to inform the computer service provider to send one of his men to increase the RAM of one of the PCs belonging to an employee named Vijay; and he says to the computer service in charge…
“Haan Dinesh Bhai…Zara apke adami ko bhej dena aaj…Woh kaam hai office mein…Vijay ka RAM badhana hai.” (Ab Vijay ka RAM koi kaise bhadhaye 🙂 )
(“Yes…Mr. Dinesh…please send one of your men today here at office…there’s work…Vijay’s RAM is to be increased.” (Now how can someone increase Vijay’s RAM? 🙂 ))
Sometimes it is an incomplete sentence that could sound wrong. Sometimes our literary translation of our mother tongues to English could be inappropriate. And sometimes, it so happens that a third person walks in and picks up only a part of an ongoing conversation, which he doesn’t understand completely, and therefore, is amused or angered (depending on the meaning interpreted).
Here’s another example, and this happened during my internship days, when we were posted in one of the government hospitals. Now, in our government hospitals, general wards obviously don’t have any privacy and as usual all the beds are occupied. Amongst all the patients, there was one patient who was having tuberculosis and his X-ray was perfectly showing all the clinical features a medical student would like to see. The patient was having tough time, was ill, lying on bed with one relative sitting on a stool at his bedside. And we, the interns go to examine him. One of my friends takes the X-ray film and starts examining it in the light. We all gather around him and admire the X-ray. And there one of my good friend says, “What a sexy X-ray this is!” Timing was bad; the physician in charge walks in, who obviously had heard my friend, and we all get a good lecture that day not on tuberculosis but on people skills.
That X-ray was a piece of chocolate to the interns but in no way it was sweet to the patient or his family. We did not mean to hurt the suffering patient but in some way we did. 😦
Sometimes even misunderstandings can be a source of entertainment. Now this happened in our OPD (out-patient department) one day. It was the Medicine OPD; the room was packed with interns, with little space left for the patient to walk into the room and sit across the surgeon. One patient with a history of chronic cough walks in. Case history is taken, patient is examined, and now comes the time for the doctor to advice the patient. In this case, along with some blood tests, an X-ray chest was to be done. Usually people coming in the government hospitals are not educated, so the tests have to be explained in the dialects commonly spoken. The tests were explained in Hindi that day.
Doctor: “Apko chaati ka photo nikalna padega.” (If you translate it, then it means that your chest picture has to be removed).
Patient: Who is very confused, looks at the doctor then at us, then again at doctor. He then confirms, “Doctor, mujhe mere chaati ka photo nikalna padega kya?” (Doctor, will I have to remove my chest picture?)
Doctor: “Haan, usi se pata chalega ke wajah kya hai bimaari ki.” (Yes, from that we will come to know the cause of your disease.)
Patient: “Par photo se kaise pata chalega?” (But how will you come to know that from a photo?)
Doctor: “X-ray se hi pata chalta hai ke respiratory system mein koi problem hai ya nahi.” (From X-ray we will come to know if there is any problem in you respiratory system or not.)
Patient: “Achcha X-ray! Mujhe laga chaati ki tasveer khincheni padegi. Ok ab samjha!” (Ok X-ray! I thought I will have to click my chest snap and give it to you. Now I Understood!)
And we all exploded with laughter. Good thing this time was that it was a male patient; had it been a female patient, then our good surgeon would have been declared a pervert that day. Also that day we all also learnt a lesson; never underestimate people coming in government hospitals, even they could be educated. 🙂
It is very important to think over what you speak. Every time a wrong sentence may not be humorous. It could cause misunderstandings, and could create plenty of problems for you. One should keep learning from his/her own mistakes, and also from those of others. And till you all learn, I will enjoy my laughter pills prescription! 😀