Have You Ever Lost Something Which You Never Had?

Hmmm…it takes a while to understand this statement. My first reaction to it was, ‘How can someone lose a thing that he never had?’ But I thought and thought more on this to realize how very true this statement has been on many occasions of my life. Yes, I had lost many things in my life which I never had.

This ‘Something’ could be anything – a person, a pet or just an object. But the loss hurts. Your heart bleeds, eyes cry, soul shivers… the loss leaves you shattered.

Friends, are you still thinking that how it is possible? Well then, go through these possible examples.

Your neighbour must be having a poochie to which you are much attached. You spent your spare time playing, cuddling, walking and even talking to this animal – an animal which is also your friend. It is a part of your life. But one day your neighbour decides to relocate and there goes this poochie along with him. You are hurt, you feel sad, you get upset and you may even cry.

See…you lost something which you never had!

You have a friend who is very smart, dashing, caring, lovable, charming…an ideal marriage material. Your eyes don’t hurt when you admire this special person without blinking. Anything your friend talks is music to your ears. You realize it is more than friendship. You are in love with your friend. This friend reciprocates to all your gestures that you don’t feel the need to express your way of thinking. But one day, your friend comes with a broad smile, declares about the engagement and hands over to you a wedding card which ofcourse does not have your name printed next to your beloved friend’s name. You are lost. Your heart sinks. You are angry. You curse fate.

Look …you lost something which you never had!

Many a times we want things our way. We try to have power over things which are far beyond our control by just playing the assumption game. You must have never thought that your neighbour would relocate but that was an assumption. You thought your friend loved you the way you did but again you assumed. Such assumptions will give you ephemeral happiness but the instant you realize the fact – that’s the time when it hurts. But we should remember that every connection (be it an association or a relation) teaches a silent lesson and leaves an impression. It is upto us to learn this lesson and remember this impression.

This statement was a message on my friend’s facebook status bar. But it made me think and think on all and everything that I have lost to the game of assumptions. Yes, at times even my heart bled, eyes cried, soul shivered…even I was shattered but to realize that it is another silent lesson learnt.

There are times when we would want to stay in that virtual world, but we should never forget to return to the real world on time. And yes, next time I will surely try not to lose anything which I never had! Hope you all will also do the same!

…Ashu Bolar

Welcome To Fatherhood

You are anxious to see what your child looks like…The first sight of your baby melts your heart away…You are desperate to capture every action of your cherub with your camera…You are happy replacing your money in wallet with the snapshots of your infant…The first time your angel calls you ‘dad’ in broken syllables, it sounds like the best music you have ever heard and a music you want to be played over and over again…For that one innocent smile on your baby’s face you are ready to contort your face in any angle and the for first time you are not embarrassed…You can spent your entire Sunday touring your toddler on your back posing as a horse without complaining…You plan and keep planning your kid’s future…You are happy to loose in the game where the opponent is the apple of your eyes…You want your child to have every luxury you can afford…You want your child to more successful than you are…Once again you see school, solve maths sums and select right colours for the painting…You see the college and the graduation day but this time you are a spectator and your child is the participant…You see the wedding but once again as an audience…You see kids again but this time they are your grandchildren…You realize time has flown and you have aged…But you feel young yet again while playing with your grandchildren…And wish that you stay alive among them and the generations to come from them!

This is the trail of your thoughts in the waiting room outside the labour room of the maternity clinic where your expecting wife is about to deliver. That anxiousness is worth it when your heart melts at the sight of your own child.

No matter at what stage of fatherhood you are, you will always wish the best for your kid. You always think of handling every issue – be it a problem at work, home or relation – in a manner where tomorrow you should not regret. Your child sees you as an example. You know that, and hence, you want yourself to be the best example.

At every age there will be different problems that you may face. From the teething of your baby to the school marks and remarks to the college friend circle to the career chosen to the partner selected…everything is to be tackled in a way which will generate more respect for you in his/her heart than otherwise.

Someone rightly quoted, “To become a father is not difficult, but to be a father is.”

This fatherhood route will be rough, a little tough, with more or less bumps – but you have decided to traverse it…so travel with full fun and vigour!

Yes, the soon-to be-fathers…Welcome to Fatherhood!

                                                                                                                                                                          … Ashu Bolar

                                                                                                                                       (Published on Healthizen.com)

My other articles on Men’s Health published on Healthizen.com include:

1. Is That Receding Hairline Bothering You?

2. Beat That Saturday Night Hangover!

3. The Vicious Cycle Of Stress and Addiction

4. Smoking, Drinking & Male Infertility

5. Diet For Male Fertility

6. Gynaecomastia

7. What and Why Of Circumcision

8. Prostate Health

9. Genetic Anomalies & Men’s Health

10. Is Maturbation A Disease Or A Habit?

11. Men, Sex & Health

12. Get Groomed!

13. Get Fit!

14. Get Sportive!

I Can Beat Rosesh Sarabhai!!!!!

Well you must be aware of Rosesh Sarabhai – the famous character from the very popular comedy show “Sarabhai Vs Sarabhai” who writes poems from no where and everywhere and they barely make sense. It is not that I was inspired by him. I wrote on a subject which these days irritate me a lot at my work place. Though I am not confident (as this is my first attempt to write a poem or something like a poem) yet something makes me post these lines here. Have a look, and yes, you are welcome to comment! (Be a little kind please!)

 

CLUMSY WALK

 

Thap Thap Thap!

You thought it is a knock on door,

But instead it is a torture on floor;

These three-inch heels in beautiful colours and pairs,

Are extremely annoying when banged on stairs!

 

Thap Thap Thap!

She thinks they look flirty,

But that jangle is seriously dirty;

They suit more to the models on ramp,

But in office they make my colleague appear vamp;

This sounds like a foolish talk,

But I am yet to understand this clumsy walk!

 

Thap Thap Thap!

These pretty pairs worn for flight,

Always calls for my plight,

And when this clatter reaches my ears,

It raises all my headache fears!

 

Thap Thap Thap!

Faster she walks which appears like a race,

But sadly in total absence of grace;

Painful to knees, painful to backs,

Is the information which the wearer lacks;

Those notable swings of hips,

Are in desperate need to be polished with some more tips!

 

Thap Thap Thap!

May be I am exaggerating,

But those heels to my ears are truly aggravating;

Oh Lord! Will it stop or not?

This is something I think these days a lot!

 

Dear Readers, to beat Rosesh was not my attempt,

But incase I have done, then I know, to hit me is what you tempt!!!!!

…Ashu Bolar

Window Shopping!!!!! :)

What does ‘Window Shopping’ remind you of? Walking on lane and looking through the huge glass windows of big branded stores or malls and admiring their new season collections…Right?

 

But I mean it in a different way here. This was a termed coined by my previous head of the department (HOD) and a very good friend. You will be surprised and laugh your heart out when you read this conversation…

 

HOD: “So, Asma how was your weekend?”

 

ME: Good…as every weekend is…wake up at noon…no breakfast but a direct lunch…watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S on Zee café…sleep again…wake up at 6 in evening…enjoy tea with biscuits…do the laundry…listen to mom’s taunts on the pending dusting of my room (which still is pending)…watch some movie…dinner time…again TV…then GOOD NIGHT!

 

HOD: Ok! Good! Mine was interesting! (Says with a broad smile on her face)

 

ME: What was interesting? Saw some new movie?

 

HOD: Noooo! It was my window shopping! (Again with that broad smile)

 

For a moment I thought she had gone to some mall and had fun doing window shopping but the expression on her face bespoke some other tale to which my reply was a frown filled face and she started laughing.

 

HOD: Arey Asma! My Window Shopping!

 

ME: I still didn’t get you. (The frown remains in the same position on my forehead)

 

HOD: I mean that yesterday some guy’s parents had come to meet me and my family. My family presented me in front of them like a decked up walking talking show piece who is assumed and presumed to be Miss Perfect in every aspect of her life. So…My Window Shopping!

 

ME: Hahahaha…hahaha…hahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I could not stop laughing at her sarcastic but a very true comment, which at times is not as hilarious as mentioned above.

 

All girls, women, mothers and many others (which includes men also) reading this piece may have been a part of such a window shopping sometime in their lives. There is immense pressure from the society on girl’s parents. It sometimes appears as if she is daughter of the society and not of her parents.

 

“Oh Lord! Twenty seven and yet not engaged? Don’t you want your daughter to get married?”

(Yes aunty! Please give that marriage bureau’s number, which after two years of gruesome hunting, helped you in finding the most apt son-in-law)

 

“Our daughter got married at the age of 22…just after her graduation. Are you not worried on your daughter getting older?”

(I still have my teeth in mouth and my hair is yet to grey…And if you wouldn’t have gotten your daughter married then you would have never known whom she ran away with as her list was a long one!!!!!)

 

“If you don’t get girls married at the right age then you will have to hunt for a bridegroom who could be a widower or may be a divorcee with two-three kids.”

(For Heaven’s sake! To marry off at the age of 19 to a guy whom your daughter does not like and then after having two kids she suddenly decides to elope with her former lover ….makes sense to you my beloved aunty. Hat’s off to your daughter!!! But please, I am not in for this.)

 

“All my daughters got married very young. By twenty three years of age, they had two kids.”

(Old age is doing tricks on you uncle! Check their birth certificates…you will come to know their right age!)

 

…And many such comments. Sometimes you laugh at them but sometimes they are way too hurting. Such remarks can raise your mother’s BP…she can even get an angina…and get hospitalized. All thanks to these narrow minded stock of the society.

 

It is not that I am against arranged marriages but sometimes the surrounding public makes this process much agonizing. Marriage is a personal choice. A person – be it a girl or a boy – should decide herself/himself when to settle down and have a family. One cannot just tie-up two strangers into wedlock. With the increasing rates of divorces, it is quite conspicuous that one decision in haste scars your life – the impact of which will follow all through out your life. Why make such a mistake when you have all reasons to stop it?

 

But then it is difficult for one person to bring revolution. And it is impossible when it comes to changing the minds of your mothers. There are always those tear filled eyes to emotionally blackmail you.

 

Sometimes you do it for fun…Sometimes in anger…But yes, you ultimately deck up and serve tea, farsans and sweets and speak in your sweetest tone though you despise it from the core of your heart. You prepare for this ‘Window Shopping’ more than you must have done for the interview you gave in that remarkable MNC.

 

In this generation it does not appear to stop but I hope our generation will not get carried away by such inflexible gossip mongers’ comments on our children. I hope we will give them the time to make this big and right decision of their lives.

 

Well, my HOD got married to a software engineer early this year (Ofcourse through window shopping process only). They make an awesome couple. Touchwood!!!!!

 

And my window shopping is currently an ongoing process. But I have hopes. I know that…My prince charming is out somewhere…Destiny is yet to unite us…They say there is a right time for everything…So, I am waiting for that Right Time…For that Mr. Right …And for that Right Window Shopping!

 

 

                                                                                                                                 …Ashu Bolar

Smoking – A Grave Craving

 In The Words Of A Smoker… 

 

“Everything was just so perfect. Nice job, great salary, amazing house, awesome social life, perfect health…until recently when I started getting bad headaches. They were so bad that I could not concentrate on my work. Everyday now turned out to be a bad day. I woke up with a headache and slept with a headache. Not just this, I was repeatedly getting nasal and throat infections which made my bad days worst.

 

I went to my doctor, and after general examination and a battery of tests performed, I was diagnosed as a hypertensive with high cholesterol levels. I took the prescribed medicines but the prescription just worked temporarily. Now I wasn’t getting enough sleep either. So, my doctor  added a low dose of sleeping pills to an already-lengthy-prescription.

 

Physically I am absolutely fit, perfect weight for my height. My diet is just right for my age, weight and lifestyle. I still could not believe for what I was diagnosed of at a young age of 29. I thought I had the perfect lifestyle until my BP read 160/130 mmHg.

 

One evening I sat down to figure out what has gone wrong where. While thinking the cause for this ill health, the smoke from my cigarette made me cough. I stopped smoking to drink water only to realize what the much-hunted cause. I am a smoker for the past 7 years. This is the greatest flaw in my lifestyle which is now taking a toll on my health, my work, my career and my life.

 

So now after much thinking and suffering, I have decided to give up smoking because I want my beautiful and perfect life back. I know it is going to be difficult but to live happily and healthily I will take up this challenge of giving up on my seven years of this killing addiction. I have already started staying without smoking and I am praying hard that I should succeed in my purpose.”

 

Smoking Is Injurious To Health

 

We all are aware that smoking is injurious to health. Although statement is printed on the cigarette packs, they are still sold. The increase in the sales of these cigarette packs is primarily because smoking is addictive. Some common reasons for getting involved in smoking are peer pressure or following examples of siblings and parents, employment outside the house, stress, homesickness or just as a fashion. There may be many reasons for smoking but the bottom line – ‘Smoking Is Injurious To Health’ always remains the same.

 

Tobacco Ill Effects

 

According to the World Health Organization, about 4 million deaths occur in a year from tobacco that is expected to rise to about 10 million by 2030. Tobacco is responsible for about 30% of all cancer deaths in the developed countries. Other ill effects are diseases like stroke, myocardial infarction, aortic aneurysm and peptic ulcer. Smoking is also a known cause for infertility. Smoking is extremely harmful during pregnancy too. The babies of mothers who smoke weigh on an average 200 grams less at birth than those of non-smokersThere is evidence that the sooner a person begins to smoke, the greater is the risk for any life threatening disease to develop, and hence, the life expectancy reduces by almost 25 years as compared to a non-smoker. Smoking brings environmental pollution and the smoke causes diseases even amongst the non-smokers, also called as passive smokers.

 

Government Initiatives

 

WHO has organized a “Tobacco Free Initiative Programme” to galvanize global support for tobacco control, and to heighten the awareness of social, human and economic harm caused by tobacco consumption. But no program can be a complete success without mass participation.

 

The government is trying its best by imposing rules like no smoking in public areas and smoking only in zones meant for smokers. These rules may reduce the ill effects of passive smoking but are they going to help the smoker. He will now be in a zone where he will be smoking along with other smokers. So, in turn he becomes a smoker as well as a passive smoker.

 

Smoking – A Suicide & A Homicide

 

Tobacco is a killer and it should not be advertised, subsidized or glamourized. Smoking is suicidal and homicidal. Suicidal because smoking will leave a smoker vulnerable to several life-threatening diseases, and homicidal as by polluting the environment, a smoker threatens the health of others around him. If thought this way then no one will want to be a criminal.

 

It is high time that every individual realises the ill effects of this grave habit. Stress is no reason for getting addicted to smoking as you are giving yourself a painful life and death. There are times when a doctor advices his patient not to smoke when he smokes himself. It is important to practice before you preach or else your preaching just becomes noise which is heard and then forgotten very easily.

 

 So, Dear Smokers…

 

Anyone who is a non smoker then he or she should never fall prey to this addiction anytime in their lives. And if a person is a smoker then he or she should quit smoking. It is normal that smokers will find it difficult to stay away from cigarettes during the initial days of withdrawal. But once they overcome this period, they will soon realize the life-long benefits of giving up smoking.

 

Withdrawal sounds scary and difficult but it is not impossible. Remember that even an impossible says ‘I-M-POSSIBLE.’ Anyone doing so is not just helping himself but also the nation and the world. Smokers should not lose hope and stay firm during the phase of withdrawal to achieve their purpose. There should be lot of motivation and support from family and friends along with strong individual will power. And yes, where there is a will there is always a way!

…Ashu Bolar

The Oath I Value

I remember my days as an assistant to a well known orthopaedic surgeon. I had joined his clinic just after the completion of my internship. His clinic has OPD and IPD sections along with an operation theatre. I was in charge of the IPD patients. It was the third week of May 2005. In that week two operations were scheduled – one was a hip replacement surgery and the other was a prolapsed disc surgery. Hip replacement surgery was successfully conducted early Monday morning on a 92 year old lady, who was admitted for another 7 days to recover completely.  The other surgery for the prolapsed disc patient was scheduled on Saturday. She was admitted since a week, and as her complaint was not getting better via medications and physiotherapy, she was advised surgery.  She had immense pain, so much that she could not move with out using a lumbo-sacral belt. This operation was a necessity to relieve her from the pain that the depressed disc was causing by compressing her herniated spinal cord.

 

This patient was a simple, calm lady with a family comprising of herself, her husband and their two sons.  She was a middle aged lady with short hair, some of which were grey indicating the aging process. Fair complexion, large eyes with puffy skin below them, and weighing a little more than average, this lady spoke excellent English. Whenever I took her BP, I always admired how beautiful hands she had with perfectly manicured nails. The hospital staff liked her as she was unlike the other patients who always threw tantrums. Her family visited her twice a day and her children were very concerned about her ill health.

 

It is a routine to get some blood tests done before an operation. ELISA (test for HIV) is one of them.  A technician from the pathology lab had come to collect her blood for the tests on Thursday morning around 7 am. The reports came in the evening. Most of her test results were normal or close to normal but unfortunately the ELISA showed positive results. This test is a very sensitive method to detect antibodies against HIV but requires another test, a Western Blot, to confirm the results because false positive result can occur. Yes, a positive ELISA test does put the person in the category that he or she may be HIV positive but the next test has to be done for confirmation.

 

The surgeon had disclosed the results to her and explained the importance of conducting the confirmation test. But her results had caused her immense aggravation, and she refused to go for any further tests. “Please doctor, give me discharge. I want to go back to my home. Please.” These were her words on asking her to go for HIV confirmation test.  There was some talk between the surgeon and the patient of which I or any other hospital staff were not a part of. The entire hospital staff (nurse, physiotherapist, interns, maid servants and myself) was called by the surgeon, and was asked not to discus this case in front of other patients (IPD and OPD). Also, we were asked to take some safety precautions ourselves while dealing with this patient.  Since I was the in charge, it was my duty to look into this matter. I made sure that my staff is following all the instructions sincerely. Eventually, the patient was counselled, operated, had recovered and was happily discharged.

 

Before the arrival of reports, the entire hospital staff was treating her like a normal patient, but this report made us take care of her in a little different way. Initially we did not use gloves while administering her injectables or taking a note of her blood glucose levels. But once we were summoned, then the entire staff was very particular of wearing gloves while examining her or while injecting her with fluids or medicines. We were all cautious for some reason. That reason was fear of AIDS. But the fear was not a reason enough for the surgeon to not operate her. He performed the operation very confidently as he does on every other patient. My staff and I tried our level best to fulfil our obliged duties towards her as normally as we could. There was a radiant smile on the lady’s face on the day of discharge as she was relieved from the pain that she was suffering for so long.

 

Sometimes, when alone, I did speculate the reasons for her acquiring HIV. I could not believe by her looks that she was an HIV positive. I, being a doctor, had read a lot about HIV and AIDS. I knew well about the modes of transmission. I knew that those results are yet to be confirmed. I knew that being HIV positive does not mean that she has AIDS. But I was still very cautious. Being cautious is sensible but to isolate an affected person is insensate. These patients are already in pain by learning this bitter truth of life. Our isolating or behaving abnormally with them will only add to their pain. If the doctors get scared and isolate such patient’s then there will be no one to treat HIV patients.

 

Every time we wore gloves and examined her, there used to be a slight uneasiness in her behaviour. It made her nervous. May be it reminded her of her positive results. There are few rules which should be made universal in all hospitals like wearing of gloves while examining or administering injectables to all the patients, irrespective of the diseases they are suffering from. This will not just reduce the rate of occupational transmission of infections but it will also relieve an infected person from the mental soreness that the feeling of being inferior brings in.

 

Sometimes, even healthcare professionals do the mistake of making a sick realize the ghastliness of his or her illness. Then, as a common man any one can do this mistake. It is important to treat a human as a human irrespective of what disease he or she is suffering from, and this fact stands same for everyone. I always keep reminding myself of the bold surgeon, who cured the affected lady, bought a smile on her face, and took all her blessings. This lessens my fear and gives me the determination to reduce the sufferings of all those who are sick and unwell. It also reminds me of some lines from the Hippocratic Oath I chanted confidently along with my peers on my convocation day – the day when I was considered as a medical fraternity.

 

“I swear by Apollo, Asclepius, Hygieia and Panacea, and I take to witness all the gods, all the goddesses, to keep according to my ability and my judgment, the following Oath… 

I will prescribe regimens for the good of my patients according to my ability and my judgment and never do harm to anyone… 

I will preserve the purity of my life and my arts…

All that may come to my knowledge in the exercise of my profession or in daily commerce with men, which ought not to be spread abroad, I will keep secret and will never reveal…

If I keep this oath faithfully, may I enjoy my life and practice my art, respected by all men and in all times; but if I swerve from it or violate it, may the reverse be my lot.”

 

…Ashu Bolar

Why I Write

I write as I like to write. I write as it is my profession. I write to bring awareness. I write to test my creative abilities. I write to provide right knowledge, to entertain and to catch readers’ interests. I write so that readers read, understand, comment and criticize my writing so that I learn from their critique. I write my thoughts…my emotions…

I write to complete my assignments which demands writing. I write because I want people to read what I think. I write to remember things/appointments. I write to maintain contacts with my loved ones. I write letters for business purpose. I write to improve my language and vocabulary. I write what I believe in.

I write as I think ‘Pen is mightier than sword.’

I write because I am a writer.

…Ashu Bolar

Hello world!

Welcome to WordPress.com. This is your first post. Edit or delete it and start blogging!